Magic Marmalade 20th Mar 2022
| | Rated 5/10Jeepers Creepers, where d'ya get those peepers...
:)
Oh dear, what a mess.
Had high hopes for this, being initially attracted to the fact that Robert Rodriguez was directing... And while it is every bit as violent as you'd expect for one of his films, in his own inimitable style, this doesn't sit well with the production design of the movie, and it's overall style, seemingly aimed at the Disney-kid market.
(This isn't, therefore, for kids!)
No, this is another one to be ranked alongside the failed attempts of Hollywood to "Hollywood-ise" Manga.
Sanitised, lashings of bright sparkly CGI (really hate this style of over-done CGI now), lots of movement, colours, shapes, and other things that attempt to distract you from how awful this movie is.
If I didn't know it was Rodriguez, I'd have said it was Michael Bay, Roland Emmerich, Zach Snyder, of one this crowd of adolescent film-makers who produce this kind of ill judged sensibility in the script, flabby poo that doesn't know what market it's after, and so fails to satisfy any of them - too extreme in it's violence for kids, too childish and incomprehensible for adults.
And in spite of the copious CGI, some of the sets, and costumes still look cheap and nasty.... Occasionally, the Facial CGI for Alita looks decidedly ropey too... not good if the girl with the Anime eyes is the central focus of your movie!
Casting wise, it's always good to see Christph Waltz in anything, but he can't save this sprawling visual splat of a movie, neither can Mahershala Ali, who has real presence...
(Wasted here, but in a more serious movie, he'd be truly great - next bond villain perhaps ? :)
...Rosa Salazar is terrific too, able to carry a movie and lead the way, even in spite of her CGI impediments (If not for her, the character, and the film, would have fallen apart completely, and would have been truly shocking in it's awfulness).
I couldn't figure out why Jennifer Connolly is in this, either her as an actor, or her character... just kind of... there... occasionally.... for some reason....(?)
And then, after struggling to hold my concentration for the duration, it just kind of.... ends.
No resolution, no reason, just - that's enough, bye!
A quick look at Wikipedia after, tells a tale though...Produced by: James Cameron. Who also wrote the story, then handed it to Rodriguez, and said basically: "Try and cut this monstrosity down to something sensible".
He couldn't, despite a valiant effort, and only proves that we can rank Cameron now (sadly) in the same category as those other sensationalist, crappy film-makers previously mentioned... no sense of drama, structure, and can't write a story or script for toffee!
(it becomes apparent that James Cameron's day job used to be making films, and is hobby was deep sea exploration, but now is evidently the other way round - not only that, he needs top notch writers to make something of his stories... he can't be left to his own devices, or he goes to the dark side... For this reason, I'm going to be bold, and call "Turkey" on Avatar 2 even before it comes out (I predict an epic fail!)
This might have been good.. or at least better, if they'd picked a style, and gone with it, grunged it up a bit, tightened the story, perhaps made it noir, or full Manga style - you know, put some art into it, not just science and dazzle.
As it is, it's even worse than the Hollywood attempt at Ghost In The Shell, but sits on the shelf alongside it, in ignominy.
(On the basis of these, Please, for the love of God Hollywood, leave Akira alone!!!)
Forgettable, tedious, unintelligible, borrows from to many other movies (badly - think I saw a knock- off ED 209 in here somewhere!)... dull.
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